A Nefarious Vacation
by Anime Fan18.0
Summary: Before UYA While Dr. Nefarious is plotting his scheme for galactic domination, Lawrence is being overworked. Lawrence decides that a good vacation is what the good Doctor, not to mention himself, need. What happens when everything goes horribly wrong?
1. Hm, Lawrence seems stressed

Anime Fan18.0 is proud to present...

Another comedy fic. of epic (if not silly) proportions...

Another story added to the wonderful archive of Fan Fiction(.)net...

_**A NEFARIOUS VACATION! **_

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**A/N:**Well, I had an idea for a fanfic that I've wanted to write...but I've been having writer's block on it. Since I _still_ don't have R+CF:TOD (My dad didn't think it a good idea to get me a PS3 for Christmas) I've decided to go ahead and work on this story. Please note that this takes place _before_UYA! Anyway...onward with the fanfic!

**Disclaimer: **If I _actually_owned Ratchet and Clank, would I have complained earlier about not having the latest flipping game!? Not to mention the fact that this is _fan-_fiction. I DON'T OWN S-(BLEEEEEEEEEP)!!

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"Lawrence...Lawrence...LAAAAAAAAWREEEEEEEENCEEEEEE!!" Bellowed an irritated Dr. Nefarious. You see, the good doctor was plotting his hostile takeover of the galaxy on his ship _The Leviathan._He had everything set up too! Robotic/Thyranoid army? Check. Control of Holo-vid networks to broadcast his message to all robotic life-forms. You betcha. Spies close to the Galactic President so he could shut down the defenses for the capitol? Oh yeah. He had everything he needed, _everything_...

...but a super-weapon...

"You called sir?" answered Lawrence, the robotic butler of said maniacal robot. Lawrence looked a more haggard than he had ever before. He hadn't gotten a lot of time to recharge with Nefarious' constant demands during his all-night plotting sessions. With all the busy activity, he had been busy fixing machines, installing software, researching topics on the Internet, and folding Nefarious' "undergarments". Why a maniacal, organic-hating robot needed underpants when he didn't even _have_ clothing was beyond him...

"Yes, I need your help Lawrence," Nefarious answered, turning in his swivel chair towards his lackey.

"I would have _never_ guessed," Lawrence replied, sarcasm deep in his voice. "What is it _this_ time?"

"Well...you see," Nefarious stammered, almost reluctant to speak. Lawrence let his frustration stew as he patiently awaited his master's response. "It's not easy for me to admit it, but...I...I..."

"Am a complete and utter egomaniac?" Lawrence asked.

"No," Nefarious answered.

"Have no personal life whatsoever?" Lawrence continued.

"Still no..." Nefarious answered, starting to get annoyed.

"Am a complete and utter geek? A crazed, maniacal lunatic with pipe-dreams of galactic domination? A jerk who overworks their employees?"

"That's enough Lawrence..." Nefarious said.

But Lawrence didn't care, he still continued with, "A complete freak of nature? A miserable gear-head with no self-esteem?"

"Lawrence..."

"A biology-hating nut-case? A 'I am so big of a nerd that my prom date came in a box'?"

"Lawrence!"

"A over dramatic sourpuss? A whiny little crybaby? A complete ad utter idiot trying to pass himself off as a smart person. A-"

"NO LAWRENCE, THAT'S NOT IT!!" Nefarious bellowed "That's not why I called you!"

"Then what _is_ the reason?" Lawrence asked.

"Well...the real reason is..." began Nefarious,"I...ican'tthinkofanideaforasuperweapon!" Nefarious said too quick for Lawrence to hear.

Lawrence stood there confused. "Um...sir, might I suggest you repeat your words slightly _slower_."

"I-can't-think-of-a-super-weapon-" Nefarious said a _little_ slower, but still too quick for Lawrence to catch.

"Again, but this time, _please_ make it understandable." Lawrence pleaded.

"I CAN NOT THINK OF A F-**BLEEP**-ING SUPER-WEAPON!! There, I said it..." Nefarious screeched, then crossed his arms in annoyance. The robot only lowered his "eyebrow" while eying his employer.

"I hardly see why this is such a big deal," Lawrence said.

"It's EMBARRASSING!" Nefarious howled. "All the _good_ super-villains come up with their own weapons of mass destruction," he continued while pacing around the room, "When a super-villain like myself can't think of one, it's absolutely embarrassing! But no matter how hard I try, I just can't think of _anything_!"

"So I see..." Lawrence replied, taking the time during Nefarious' rant to empty out a trash bin full of crumpled up plans with the words "WON'T WORK!" capitalized and in red over them.

"The point is," Nefarious continued, oblivious to Lawrence's lack of attention, "I need your help in coming up with a super-weapon. Something so powerful, so sinister, so deadly it would make even the hardest of warriors tremble in their boots! So Lawrence..." Nefarious turned to see busy Lawrence dusting off various objects around the doctor's office.

"My, my, such a mess..." Lawrence muttered as he dusted. Nefarious growled in irritation, and started to sneak up on the unsuspecting robot. When he was right behind him, he took a deep breath, and yelled:

"**LAWRENCE! ARE YOU EVEN **_**LISTENING**_**!?**"

The poor robot never saw it coming and jumped up a few feet in surprise. When he fell back to the ground, he turned around to see an angry-looking Nefarious glaring menacingly at him.

"Now _really, _was that at all necessary?" Lawrence asked as he dusted himself off.

"Are you going to help me or not!?" Nefarious bellowed, giving his butler a deadly glare while he put his hands on his hips.

"Sorry, I'm afraid I don't have an idea for a weapon," Lawrence shrugged. Nefarious' eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "However, I _do_ have an idea for a way for you to think up an idea." Nefarious immediately regained himself and took interest, probably for the first time ever, in what his butler was saying.

"Yes...go on..." Nefarious urged, his interest growing.

Nefarious suddenly found himself with a pamphlet shoved into his face. He pulled the pamphlet away and shot a glare at Lawrence for shoving it in his face, then looked at it. It was a brochure advertising vacation spots on Pokitaru. Nefarious continued to read the brochure, somewhat interested in the promise of daily oil messages, gourmet food, tropical weather, nice trips to the beach, and a one-day ocean cruise along the waters of Pokitaru. It seemed that one could have one heck of a vacation if they decided to go there.

"So sir, what do you think?" Lawrence asked, slightly optimistic.

"Hmm...a vacation you say? Let me think for a moment..." Nefarious stood there, scratching his chin in thought. Lawrence leaned in slightly, anticipating his master's answer. After a few moments, he declared, "I have reached a decision! My answer is..." Lawrence, for a moment, wore an expression of excitement on hid face. "...NO!"

Lawrence's jaw practically dropped to the floor as Nefarious turned away to sit back in his desk.

As Nefarious continued to mumble about possible plans for galactic domination, Lawrence decided it wouldn't hurt to ask _why_ Nefarious refused to go.

"Sir, if In may, might I ask _why_ you refuse to go?" Lawrence questioned. Nefarious turned back once again to face his employee.

"Because Lawrence," Nefarious began, "as much fun as we could have on a vacation, there are too many things for me to attend to."

"Such as..." Lawrence asked, putting one hand on his hip and holding out the other one palm-up.

"Well, first off there's figuring out a super-weapon," Nefarious snapped.

"Which, if I may say so sir, a relaxing vacation might help you think of," Lawrence said.

"Even so," Nefarious said, "There's other reasons! I have to attend to my robot army and make sure they are ready for combat."

"Sir, even if they _weren't _ready, you'd simply have me go and do it!" Lawrence pointed out.

"Oh...you're probably right..." Nefarious admitted. "But, I have a third reason!" he quickly declared.

"Well...what is it?" Lawrence asked.

"Well, there's...wait, no...I have to...wait no, I took care of that last Thursday...um..." Nefarious scratched his head in hopes of figuring out a possible excuse for him to stay. He quickly glanced around the room and saw a HVD case of Secret Agent Clank. "...I...have to...watch the latest episode of Secret Agent Clank!" he said hastily.

"..._that's_ your reason!?" Lawrence retorted, for once showing his anger at his master's stupidity.

"Yes, yes, I absolutely _must_ watch Secret Agent Clank! It might...inspire me, or something..." Nefarious explained rather poorly. "No away with you, I have matters to attend to!"

"Well then sir, perhaps you could let _me_ go on a brief vacation?" Lawrence asked, not giving up the hope of a vacation. Especially since he had never had one before...

"Not a chance in the world!" Nefarious snapped. "You have too much to do! Now, leave me alone so I can think!" With that Nefarious turned around to his desk and once again continued to mutter about possible weapons of mass destruction. Lawrence sighed in frustration and began to turn back in order to continue his labors. But, just as he was about to exit Lawrence had an idea. It was so simple, yet so effective, it was absolutely _sure_ to get Nefarious to go on vacation! He turned around once again to face his employer.

"Pardon me sir, but may I say one last thing?" Lawrence asked.

"Yeah, yeah, just be quick about it!" Nefarious answered, not even turning around.

"Captain Qwark."

Nefarious froze. Oh how he hated the green-spandex clad idiot! The more he thought about him, the angrier he got. His goofy smile, his stupid antics, that butt-shaped chin; all angered him so!

"Grrr...GRRRRRR..._GRRRRRR...GAAAAAAAAAH!! __**QWAAAAAAAAAAAAAARR-**_bzzzzzzzzzt-"

Success! Nefarious had entered his "radio drama" mode and was now completely frozen. Lawrence left for a moment and got a cart. He hoisted Nefarious into it and began to wheel him towards a small space shuttle just big enough for the two of them; only stopping once to quickly gather some supplies from his room.

"It really is for the best sir, you'll see," Lawrence said, now clad in a Hawaiian shirt with a briefcase on top of Nefarious' frozen frame. He then continued to make his way to the transportation of his choice. It was, as mentioned before, a small space shuttle, but was colored a light shade of blue with a black stripe running down from front to back. Just before he boarded the shuttle, Lawrence turned back and muttered to no-one in particular, "And besides...I _really_need a vacation." With that, Lawrence boarded the small shuttle, put Nefarious in the back, buckled up, and flew off as he made his way to Pokitaru.

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**A/N:** Well, there you go, the first chapter. I'm sorry if there's a couple of grammar mistakes in this. Even though my dad didn't get me a PS3, he _did_ get me something better...a new laptop! Now I don't have to fight over the computer! (For those of you who don't know, me, my mom, and my sister have been having a turf war over who got the _one_ computer) I should be able to update fairly quickly because of that. But, since I only have a sixty day trial of a Microsoft writing program, I downloaded Open Office instead. The darn thing doesn't even _have_ a grammar check! Only spell check! (This would be the part where I ask one of you if you might be willing to beta-read for me) Before anyone says anything, I _know_ Lawrence was a little out of character, but you got to remember that he's supposed to be _really_ overworked. (Like I'm-about-to-lose-my-mind-if-I-don't-get-a-break overworked) Just in case any of you may wish to nitpick at me about that. Anyway, with that said, I shall end what is probably my longest **A/N** ever! Until next time...

**READ AND REVIEW! :)**


	2. Don't make the vacationer angry!

**A/N:** Here we are at CHAPTER TWO!!! (Echoes several times) Thanks to all my reviewers for your feedback last chapter! Hopefully, this next ch. will tickle your funny-bone a little bit more.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ratchet and Clank, or anything associated with the game. The _only_ things I could possibly get out of this story without being sued would be any OC's I come up with.

_Flashback:_

"_It really is for the best sir, you'll see," Lawrence said, now clad in a Hawaiian shirt with a briefcase on top of Nefarious' frozen frame. He then continued to make his way to the transportation of his choice. It was, as mentioned before, a small space shuttle, but was colored a light shade of blue with a black stripe running down from front to back. Just before he boarded the shuttle, Lawrence turned back and muttered to no-one in particular, "And besides...I really need a vacation." With that, Lawrence boarded the small shuttle, put Nefarious in the back, buckled up, and flew off as he made his way to Pokitaru._

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"Oh Janice...how long? How _long_ have you kept this secret from me?" Lance asked his ex-love.

"Too long, my love," Janice answered sadly. "Please, _please_ forgive me! Let us make love under the starlit moon, right here...right now."

"Are you crazy!? You just showed me your a guy in a suit, and you expect me to make love with you!? Forget it!" Lance yelled.

"You _know_ you want some..." Janice said, her voice becoming a bit more masculine.

"Hey, what are you doing..." Lance asked cautiously. A zipping sound was heard through the radio. "WHAT THE!? No...NOOO! NOOOOOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!!! HEY, _HEY, _GET OFF OF ME!!! NO, _NO, **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!**_" Several sick and disturbing noises were heard as "Janice" forced himself upon Lance.

"You know, this show used to be _a lot_ child friendlier..." Lawrence said to himself. He had touched down on Pokitaru and was listening to the radio show that played each time Nefarious went into "radio drama" mode. Currently, he was listening to it while he stood in line to get keys to rooms for both himself and Dr. Nefarious. Apparently, Pokitaru was a widely popular vacation spot this time of year, as hundreds of people were standing in line eagerly awaiting their turn to purchase a room.

Those same hundreds of people also were enduring the torments of the twisted radio show being broad casted load enough for all to hear. People started to get angry after a little while. The mothers, who had to cover their little one's ears, were complaining a great deal, while the ones who weren't quick enough to drown out the disturbing words and sounds were being interrogated with questions such as "What is that one man doing with the other one?" or "Why do I hear you and daddy make those noises at night?".

"Hey, turn your radio off!" one particularly annoyed vacationer shouted. The others shouted in agreement.

"Rest assured dear sir," Lawrence said, "you'd regret it if I brought him out of his stupor."

"I don't give a CRAP!" the man shouted. "TURN HIM THE HECK OFF!!!" Lawrence turned to see who it was making such noise. He was about twelve feet tall, had red eyes, reptilian skin, and was so muscular that his arm was about the same size as Lawrence himself! He was wearing a _tight_ Hawaiian shirt that was unbuttoned so that it would show a T-shirt that said "Warning: Piss me off and I will eat you, spit you back out, eat you again, and then crap you out two days later!". All and all...this was one particular man you _wouldn't_ want to meet in a dark alley...or at a park...or in a store...or even at your _grandma's_ house!

"Now then," the enormous man commanded, "if you don't turn him off, I'm gonna' rip you into so many pieces, that even the most powerful microscope in any galaxy wouldn't be able to find ya'!" Lawrence stared, thinking for a moment. He decided that perhaps this ruffian would be able to teach his master a good lesson on when to shut up.

"Sir, if you wish to shut him off, all you have to do is slap him," Lawrence stated, knowing full well what was going to happen.

"...that's it?" the gargantuan man asked. "Just one hit to the kisser?"

"That's all it takes," Lawrence answered. The man grinned evilly. He walked over to Nefarious' frozen frame, untied him from the cart Lawrence had him in, and sat him up straight. He flexed his muscles, cracked his knuckles, reared back his fist, and-

**KA-POW!**

"-bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt-_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR**-" _**BANG!!!** Before Nefarious could finish his word, he crashed into a nearby wall. Rubbing his head, he got up and looked at his new surroundings.

"Wha-what's going on!?" he asked, looking back and forth to try and figure out where he was. "Where am I!? Why are all these _squishies_ staring at me!? Lawrence...Lawrence...LAAAAAAAAAAAAAWREEEEEEEEEEEENCEEEEEE!!!"

"GAAAAAAAH!!!" the man screamed. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT THE HECK UP!?!?"

Nefarious, without even _looking_, said, "Yeah, yeah, whatever you smelly squishy! Why don't you make yourself useful and come kiss my boots!"

"Kiss your-WHAT!? _**GRRRRRR, WHY YOU LITTLE-**_" He then charged at Nefarious, fist ready.

"That's right, KISS MY-" Nefarious then turned and saw exactly _what_ it was he was screaming at to smooch his feet. What he saw was a hulking mass of muscle charging right at him!

"...Oh crap..." he said.

**BAM!**

The giant of a man rammed him dead on and started to roll around on the floor beating the tar out of him. Several times, Nefarious' head could be seen through the cloud of dust, but then the giant's hand would come up and say "OH NO YOU DON'T!" and pull him back in.

As his master rolled on, screaming like a little girl, Lawrence simply sat there, smiling at his handy-work.

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"I thought I TOLD you that we weren't taking a vacation!" Nefarious screeched. He and Lawrence were waiting in line still; Nefarious had various dents and cracks on him from his pummeling. Lawrence was busy applying a special kind of Nano-Tech made for robots onto the blue armor of the mad doctor.

"Well sir, you seemed like you were under _so_ much stress that I thought a nice, relaxing vacation would do just the trick," Lawrence replied whilst fiddling with the container for the miracle medicine. "Here we go," he said, opening the container with an audible "pop", "Now do hold still sir, this will only take a few moments." Slowly, the butler poured the blue liquid all over the robot. The thousands or nano-bots immediately began fixing and repairing any damaged armor or circuitry Nefarious might have received from his beating.

"Ah...that feels better," Nefarious said after the robots had done their work. "Now then, back to the matter at hand-WHY THE BLARG DID YOU DISOBEY ME AND BRING ME ON A VACATION!?" Nefarious screeched as he seemingly hovered in the air.

"Because sir, as I said, you seemed like you were under so much stress." Lawrence replied. 'Not to mention I need a vacation like a organic life form needs air' Lawrence added in his mind.

Nefarious palmed his head in aggravation. "Lawrence...may I remind you that I am one of the most feared and evil robots in all of Solona, months away from launching an all-out assualt on organic life-forms, and have committed such heinous crimes that if a law enforcement agent of _any_ kind where to spot me, I would be _immediately_ arrested, convicted, and shipped off to a junkyard to be smashed, mashed, pulverized and sold as scrap!?"

"No sir, you need not," Lawrence answered, unconcerned with his master's growing impatience.

"So riddle me this; WHAT IN THE NAME OF SOLONA GAVE YOU THE IDIOTIC IDEA TO TAKE A VACATION ON THE MOST POPULATED AND VISTED WORLD IN THE ENTIRE FLIPPING GALAXY!?" Nefarious screeched.

"Well sir, I hear that they have wonderful message therapists that visit twice a week, and something called a 'Frag Fest Friday' in the cafeteria," Lawrence answered.

**CRASH! **

Nefarious did an "anime-style" faint right there on the spot.

Before his master would start hurling plasma balls, Lawrence added, "Sir, do calm down. There is nothing to worry about. While it may be true you were well known when you were _organic-_"

"Don't remind me that I was once a squishy, Lawrence," Nefarious interrupted.

Lawrence continued,"-no one except for Captain Qwa-" Lawrence saw that Nefarious was starting to overload, "-er, 'CQ' has seen you as a robot. The Last I heard, he was in another galaxy or something..."

"Hmm...you _do_ have a point Lawrence," Nefarious admitted.

"Why thank you sir," Lawrence said, flattered. "I assume you aren't as opposed to the idea of a vacation now?"

"Hmm...let me think," Nefarious answered. With that said, he rested his chin there for several more moments, considering the pros and cons of taking a vacation.

'Well,' thought Nefarious, 'my robotic army is manufactured using machines, so I don't have to worry about that. All the cleaning droids know what to do, so the ship won't be a mess. I'm not due to broadcast my message to all life forms for a few more months, so I'm covered there. But, what all could happen...?' Nefarious then began to conjure up the possible hardships that could befall him during a vacation. 'What all could happen?' he thought.

"Sir...sir...sir!" Lawrence said, snapping Nefarious out of his trance. The doctor didn't respond. Lawrence sighed. He then pulled out a storage watch and selected an item. A fog horn then materialized within the butler's hands. Lawrence held the noisy device up to Nefarious' "ear", plugged up his own, and...

**HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!!**

"YEOW! Who-what-when...huh-oh, it's you," Nefarious said as he snapped out of it. "Lawrence, did you hear a loud horn go off?"

"No sir, I did not," Lawrence said as he quickly hid the horn behind his back. "So sir, have you made a decision?"

"Yes, yes I have Lawrence. We shall...GO ON VACATION!" Nefarious declared, striking a dramatic (yet rather stupid) pose which had him pointing his finger in the air. It was Lawrence's turn to palm his head, this time form emberassment. "So tell me Lawrence, how much longer do we have to wait in line?"

"Don't worry sir, there's only six or seven _thousand_ people ahead of us," Lawrence answered.

"...what?" Nefarious said in disbelief. He looked ahead and did indeed catch a glimpse at the colossal, snaking line that seemed to stretch on into infinity. Nefarious sweat-dropped. This was going to take a _loooooong_ time...

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****A/N: **Haha! Here be-ith chapter two! Sorry it took so long to update; I had _horrible_ writers block. (shutters) Again, not big on comedy this chapter, but it's helping things move. I PROMISE that the next chapter will be funny! I swear on it! 

Anyway, two things: numero uno, I hid a few inside jokes about Insomniac Games in the chapter. Five bucks to the lucky man who guesses what it is! (Okay, not really...but still, guess)

And numero dos...read and review this chapter so I can get started on the next chapter of: "**A Nefarious Vacation!**" See ya!


	3. Yo Mama!

**A/N:** Chapter Three? Yipee! (XD)

**Disclaimer:** I think I'll sing the disclaimer to the tune of Beethoven. (Clears throat) I-do-not-ooooooowwwwwwn...Ratchet-and-Claaaaaaaaank! No-no-no-no,-no-no-no-no,-no-no-no-nooooooooooo! I-do-not-own, I-do-not-own,-I-do-not-ooooownnnnn! No-no-no-no, I-do-not-own, no-no-no-no, I-do-not-own, no-no-I-DON'T..._OWN..._**_SQUUUUUUUUUUUUAAT...!! _**

_Flashback:_

"_...what?" Nefarious said in disbelief. He looked ahead and did indeed catch a glimpse at the colossal, snaking line that seemed to stretch on into infinity. Nefarious sweat-dropped. This was going to take a _loooooong_ time..._

:--:

"This is taking too long!" Nefarious spat in a irritated voice. The two robots had been standing in line for about two hours, and the line _still_ looked the same as it did before! "Lawrence, how much longer is this going to take?" Lawrence didn't respond. "...Lawrence? Lawrence. Lawrence!" Nefarious looked to his side to see his butler wearing a pair of headphones. Apparently he was listening to the new I-pod 3000 player.

"Ooh, a new episode! I do enjoy radio drama," Lawrence said to himself.

Nefarious, cross that his butler was ignoring him, sneaked behind him, took a deep breath, and, in one smooth motion, ripped off the headphones and yelled, "_LAAAAAAWREEEEEEEENCEE!!_"

Surprised, Lawrence leaped a few feet into the air before finally turning around to face his employer. "You _screeched,_ sir?" Lawrence asked casually.

"How long are we going to have to wait in this line for?" Nefarious asked.

"Sir, please _try_ to be patient. I'm sure that the employees at the register are doing all they can to speed things along. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to return to my radio program." With that, he picked up his headphones from where Nefarious threw them and returned to listening to his soap opera.

Nefarious, still bored out of his wits, did nothing but just stand there and stare at the walls. Occasionally he'd observe the actions of some squishies that were wandering the hotel, obviously having gotten their rooms, just to see what they were doing. In one corner, a mother was scolding her child for something he had done. In another, a young couple were kissing and trading off the usual rounds of "I love you!" and "No, I love _you_!" back and forth. And in yet another area in the room, a woman was arguing with her husband, threatening to hit the spiky haired man with a frying pan.

'Looks like something you'd see in a cartoon show...' Nefarious thought to himself. And so the maniacal doctor kept staring, wondering if _anything_ interesting would come about. His eyes widened when he noticed a group of kids, probably about twelve or thirteen years old each, conversing across the room. He also noticed that every now and then one of them would look his way, then turn back towards the others. Then he'd say something, and the entire group would burst into laughter. 'What the Blarg are they talking about?' Nefarious thought. He kept looking at them, wondering what mischievous acts the trouble-makers were up to.

Eventually, the group broke their huddle and started walking towards the maniacal doctor. The leader of the group, a slightly muscled up humanoid with green skin and antennas, stepped directly in front of Dr. Nefarious. Nefarious noticed that the teen was wearing baggy pants, a baggy shirt, boots, a leather jacket, rings, a nose ring, a bandanna on his head, and a over-sized pair of sunglasses. The kid was basically trying to look like some kind of punk biker.

"What do you want, squishy?" Nefarious asked.

"'Squishy'? Dude, what kind of whacked up insult is that?" the teen asked.

Nefarious glared. "The kind that refers to what you are _squishy_!" Nefarious retorted. "Now beat it, before I decide to throw you into a Sandshark pit!

"_Ooh, _I'm _so_ scared! Puwese don't hurt me miwster! I'm just an innocent kiwd!" replied the youth, imitating a scared little kid. Immediately, his friends started howling with laughter.

Growling, Nefarious asked, "You got a death wish, squishy? Because I'll be _more_ than happy to grant it!"

"Pft! Unless ya got the bite to back up that bark, I'd suggest going back to chasing kittens dog-boy!" The child shot back. A serious of "Ooh!"'s and "Owned!"'s sounded off from the punk's band.

"'Dog-boy'? That makes no sense!" Nefarious said.

"Whatever!" the kid replied. "Point is, unless ya got what it takes, I'd suggest shuttin' my mouth up!" the boy said.

The stupidity of the child was starting o get on Nefarious' nerves. "What are you trying to start squishy?" Nefarious asked. "Why did you even bother coming over here with you 'tough guy' act in the first place?"

The boy looked over at his friends, who all nodded with big grins. Then he said, "It's simple; I challenge you to a Yo Mama Fight!" The other teens yelled in excitement.

Nefarious stared for a moment. "That's it? A Yo Mama Fight?" Nefarious asked.

"Yeah, that's right!" the teen answered. "Unless of course...you're to much of a mama's boy." As if on cue, the group started chanting "mama's boy, mama's boy!" repeatedly.

"HA!" Nefarious spat. "I was the _king_ of Yo Mama Fights back in high school! _Bring it on_!" Then he quickly turned towards Lawrence and tapped him on the shoulder.

Lawrence took off his headphones and said, "You tapped, sir?"

"Yes, Lawrence hold my place in line. I need to take care of some business," Nefarious instructed his butler.

"Sir, even though the restrooms here may be quite lovely, I hardly doubt that a robot would have any use of such a facility," Lawrence stated.

"Not _that_ kind of business Lawrence! I meant that I need to show this punk up in a Yo Mama Fight contest!" Nefarious yelled as he pointed to the group of punks behind him.

Lawrence glanced over at where the band of ruffians were standing, waiting for the contest to start. Sighing, Lawrence asked, "Is this _really_ necessary?"

"Yes Lawrence, it is," Nefarious answered.

"Then so be it," Lawrence said. As if a parent had allowed an excited child to run around in a toy store, Nefarious took off gleefully to crush his opponents in a Yo Mama Fight.

Walking out of the way of the line, the two combatants faced each other as the remaining group of teens surrounded them to watch. "Losers go first," the child said.

"Then why are you stalling?" Nefarious asked. After watching the kid grind his teeth for a moment, Nefarious said, "Yo Mama so fat, that when she saw a school shuttle pass by she yelled 'Catch that Twinkie!'"

"Ooh..." cried the circle of teens.

"Oh yeah?" began the leader of the group, "Yo Mama so fat, you have to take an express train and two hover taxis just to get on her good side!"

"_Ooh_!" cried the circle, louder this time.

Nefarious growled, then replied with, "Yo Mama so fat, she has to buy clothes in one of three sizes; extra large, jumbo, or 'OH MY GOD IT'S COMING TOWARDS US!!'"

This time, the circle started laughing, which infuriated the leader of the group.

"Oh yeah!?" the teen cried. "Yo Mama is so fat that GASA launched two satellites at her thinking she was a new planet!!"

"_OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!_" the teens screamed. Nefarious, however, was smirking.

"Is that so?" Nefarious asked. "Well, just to let you know, Yo Mama's so fat, that when she ate a chili pepper and farted, she vaporized all of Metropolis with a _nuclear explosion_!"

"_WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA!!_" everyone cried. For a few moments there were repeated cries of "wow" and "man, he just _owned_ you!" buzzing in the air.

Nervous, the kid stammered "W-well, you're...mama's so fat that...um...uh..."

"Guess what else, squishy?" Nefarious spat. "Yo Mama's so ugly, she was arrested for public indecency when she stuck her head out the window!" Again, the circle of children wailed in amazement at the maniacal doctor's mad Yo Mama skills.

"Well, Yo...Mama's...um..." the kid blurted, not having a response.

"But wait, that's not all!" Nefarious cried. "Yo Mama is _so_ fat that the Intergalactic Weather Association has names for her farts!"

The teens literally erupted into fits of screaming at their new Yo Mama Champion as their leader sulked in defeat. Nefarious smirked in triumph before proudly walking back towards his butler.

"Is it safe to assume, sir, that you won that contest?" Lawrence asked as Nefarious made his way back in line.

"Oh yes, Lawrence, I _annihilated_ that little brat! He was powerless against my Yo Mama skills!" Nefarious proclaimed proudly.

"Sir, may I ask you something?" Lawrence asked.

"Yeah, yeah, as long as it has something to do about my triumph!" Nefarious answered.

"You do realize, sir, that in certain intergalactic languages, 'Yo Mama' translates into 'I Suck', correct?" Lawrence asked. Nefarious' eyes widened at the realization of that fact. His eyes also widened further when he saw some vacationers on the other side of the room, a few feet from where he was having his Yo Mama Fight, laughing their heads off.

"Oh crap..." Nefarious said.

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**A/N:** And that would be the third chapter! It's not as long as I would have hoped, but I think it's okay. Anyway, just to avoid any confusion, "GASA" is both the abbreviation of "Galactic Aeronautical Space Administration" and a pun on our very own "NASA", seeing as how when you say its name it sounds like a certain material we humans release every now and then. :) Also, it is true what Lawrence said about the words "Yo Mama". When I took Spanish in 7th grade, our teacher was teaching us the importance of emphasizing certain words. If one didn't do so to the word "Mama", it'd translate into "suck" in Spanish. Latter on, I found out that the word "Yo" in Spanish means "I", so when I combined the two... Well, you get the idea. :D

Anyway, enjoy the _long_ overdue chapter, and get ready for the next chapter of "**A Nefarious Vacation**"! Bye.


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